Taking Weekend Tennis Seriously

Recruiting for my weekend and weekday tennis teams is fun. So much fun.

It really is, actually. I haven’t hid behind any swing sets and scouted players, yet, but that’s just because swing sets aren’t included in most playgrounds these days. Plus, I can’t go to every tennis facility in my surrounding cities, watch people play, and ask them to join my teams. That would be crazy. I mean come on now; I work full-time.

It’s also because I haven’t played any meaningful matches with strangers lately. Nothing’s in season for me. Next week, however, I’ve got several real matches I’m partaking in. It’s going to be all I can do to keep my mind focused on the actual match at hand. All I’ll want to do is look around and ask people about playing on my teams.

I’m kidding. All I want to do is beat you in tennis. And then I’ll shake your hand limply and flash a fake smile after I lose.

Such a silly game.

One of the fun things about recruiting is having an excuse to create spreadsheets. Spreadsheets! You know how much I love me some spreadsheets. I’ve got tabs for who’s on my teams, who I’m waiting on responses from, and who has said no. The last tab has the most number of names.

The part I enjoy the most throughout this process is the ridiculous feeling I get that I sorta understand how general managers of sports teams feel. The GMs. Of professional sports teams. I feel them. My people. Yo!

In the weekend tennis world, everyone’s basically a free agent. If they aren’t a free agent now, they might be tomorrow. That’s part of the game. It doesn’t hurt to ask people even those that were part of a play-off team last summer. Maybe their teams disbanded because half the players were bumped up (sigh, if only I had known sooner). Maybe they’ve had a falling out with their captains (happens a lot. I love team tennis). Maybe they’ve been looking for an excuse to leave their old teams. Maybe they want to play out of a facility that’s closer to their homes.

FYI, saving money on gas is not a strong selling point to stay-at-home-moms who play during the day…just in case you were wondering.

Which brings me to this point: what are the magic words I should use to sway each player from re-joining her team to play on mine? Hey, they might not have technically confirmed they’d be back to their old teams, yet; there’s still a chance! How much flattery does she want to hear? What’s the right amount so she feels valued but not like she’d be playing under too high of expectations? Does she want to hear she’ll play every week? Does she want to know my teams are pretty strong and we’ll definitely be contending?  Does she want me to say my teams are only about having fun and eating lunch after matches and everything’s low key and no pressure?

…

I would never, ever say that.

So I give my best pitch – powerpoints might have been involved – and then sit back and hope and pray.  Some of the recruiting targets were already committed to other teams, and the rejections come swiftly and somewhat painlessly. But the ones who are actual free agents and are on the fence: what do you people want me to say to clinch the deal?! Are other captains asking you? How often can I check in with you so it’s not creepy yet still attentive? Will someone swoop in and steal you away if I don’t text today?

If they don’t respond to me in a timely manner on this, does the behavior foreshadow their communication skills? Would I rather have an extremely talented player who I’ll never know their availability until the last second or a so-so player who I can always count on for responses, constant dialog, and to show up by warm-up time?

…

My head just exploded.

But then, finally, all the work and spreadsheets and brush-offs are worth it when the big free agent says yes. YES. And now we have a real-live singles player (a scarce commodity). And now we have another excellent doubles player. And now my team looks better and better. On paper, anyway. Just wait till everyone goes on vacation.

Hey! Stop it. Don’t be raining on my parade.

And I wonder if these are the same roller-coaster emotions real GMs feel. Stress about filling the holes of their teams, stress about coming up with the best possible sales pitches to free agents, disappointment as the “thanks, but no thanks” replies come in, stress about the players who are dragging their toes, but THEN absolute happiness when desired players agree to play for their teams.

Do they do the Chandler Bing Victory Dance? Do they re-enact the “We Got Annie” scene? Do they flex and then kiss their biceps?

Or, maybe, real GMs only feel like doing these things for perhaps a fleeting moment before clearing their throats all-professional-like and coolly moving on to the next item of business. That would be the one difference between them and me.

We got Annie!

Okay, no, no one we “got” is named Annie; it’s a figure of speech, alright? Stop ruining my landing. Man, you’ve been all over me in this post. Gosh!

~ Christy Vutam